


Realizations

by days_of_storm



Series: Vignettes on Ice [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: And Victor seems to want Yuuri, But then Yuri shows up and all changes, M/M, Or does it?!, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Yuuri wants Victor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 04:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17974814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/days_of_storm/pseuds/days_of_storm
Summary: Yuuri is slowly coming to terms with the fact that he is attracted to Victor.





	Realizations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mazarin221b](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mazarin221b/gifts).



Yuuri stood in his room, his forehead pressed against the cool surface of his door. He was cold, having not quite dried off, and the towel around his hips did little to warm him up. At the same time, his face burned.

The way Victor had looked at him. Nothing had prepared him for that. 

Nobody had ever looked at his body like Victor had just then, staring blatantly, his eyes drawn downward, almost willing the towel to loosen and drop to the floor. And how Yuuri had wanted that to happen.

It was the first time he was sure that Victor wasn’t just trying to be friendly. He had flirted with him before, but Yuuri knew by now that it was Victor’s strategy to convince him to allow him to stay. And to make up for all the terrible things he said to him. 

Yuuri had been fairly impressed with his own ability to forgive Victor his teasing, which sometimes took the form of all too familiar bullying. And yet, he had always found something positive in what he said. Something encouraging and even loving. And Victor’s almost gentle attention to him after he had said something offensive told Yuuri had he did not do it on purpose. 

Victor could be manipulative, and crass, but he wasn’t vicious. Not on purpose anyway. And all those times when Victor had stood naked in front of him, he was hiding something from him. As if pretending that dropping any disguise would offer Yuuri a true image of him. But that wasn’t the case. Victor was never less himself than when he stood naked in the Onsen, giving Yuuri a full frontal view of his naked body. 

What truly affected him instead was when Victor showed vulnerability. When something happened that he hadn’t planned, like the moment when his bathrobe had gaped open accidentally when he had helped him unpack. Yuuri had dreamed of slipping his hands underneath the thin fabric and stroke Victor’s chest almost every night since the incident. 

And, somehow, it was the same with the bullying. Victor quite obviously didn’t mean to tease him most of the time, so Yuuri decided that it happened when Victor wanted to say something else. When he wanted to praise his progress and compliment him. He noticed a pattern, and secretly enjoyed the fact that he managed to confuse Victor. It was more power than he had ever had over anyone. 

And now he knew that he had a whole different kind of power, and his stomach was in knots over it. He had realised that Victor seemed attracted to him in some form, but he had chalked it up to Victor finding everyone attractive. But now that he had seen him vulnerable and tired and off guard, he had seen the real Victor for the first time. And Victor had been unable to look away from him.

Yuuri grinned at the door, remembering Victor’s expression when he had left the bathroom to him. He allowed himself a few seconds to imagine that Victor was using his time in the shower to touch himself before he pushed himself away from the door and dried up properly. He put on his training clothes and found that he had never been more motivated to go running than right then. And the days that followed were the same. 

He caught Victor looking at him when he didn’t expect it and more often than not, Victor resorted to saying something offensive. It almost became a game for him. 

At the same time, he found himself drawn to Victor’s physical attentions. There were many moments when Victor’s hand settled on his knee or his shoulders, and each time, Yuuri allowed himself to lean into his touch a little more. It gave him confidence and it made him feel safe in ways he hadn’t known he could feel before. And it was wholly different from those times when Victor tried to be charming or sexy. He was incredibly good at that, too, but Yuuri loved nothing more than when Victor, after a long day of training, leaned into him lightly, or touched his wrist when he excitedly told him about one of his many, and Yuuri supposed, often fictional former lovers. 

And Yuuri discovered that Victor became very awkward whenever they relaxed in the Onsen. He pretended not to notice and continued chatting with Victor, but he saw his glances when he left the Onsen before him and he had to suppress a grin whenever Victor looked anywhere but him when he joined him after Victor was already immersed in the water. 

But Yuuri was also careful to not interpret too much into Victor’s apparent interest in him. If Victor’s stories about his sexual conquests were anything to go by, he was probably just lonely and looking for release. And Yuuri did not want to be that for him. 

So he decided that it was fine to find him attractive and to be flattered that Victor seemed to find him attractive in return, but that he couldn’t let their relationship be effected by it. It helped to put things into perspective when they showered together after working out, too tired to ogle each other and perfectly willing to treat each other professionally, like they would during any regular training day. 

Yuuri found that he grew more confident, not only in his interactions with Victor, but also in his own strength. Soon he would be able to skate and he would have Victor to teach him and that was, truth be told, all he had ever really wanted.

He could barely contain his excitement when Victor told him that his dry-training days were over and that he would allow him to skate again. The fact that Victor’s fingers rested against the nape of his neck much longer than could be justified with anything other than affection might have played a role in that excitement as well, but he decided not to give it too much weight. 

But then Yuri Plisetsky showed up and everything changed. Yuuri understood immediately that what he had with Victor was incredibly fragile, but he had not been prepared for his dreams to be dented this drastically, not when he had finally allowed himself to hope again. Not knowing how to handle the situation, he decided to do what he had been promised. He went to the ice rink and put on his skates. 

It felt strange, skating again after all this time. He paid attention to details he had long forgotten, the sound of his skates shaving off the ice, the kick of pressure against his shin when he jumped, the way his hands automatically reached out to stabilise him, even when he was entirely safe from falling. After a while, he got used to it again, but he felt the chafing of the boots against his feet where the calluses had grown soft while he had not skated. He would hold that against Victor, and possible make him plaster up his feet every morning. If Yuri didn’t interfere, that was …

Yuuri knew he was being irrational. Nothing had been decided yet. Just because Yuri demanded Victor’s attention, it did not mean that Victor’s plan to coach Yuuri would fall flat. But the doubt was there and it ate at him. And, most of all, he was afraid of losing his company. Of not having his warm hand settle against the nape of his neck. 

And then he saw him. Or a glimpse of him. He watched him, half hidden, a worried expression on his face. Yuuri pretended not to have seen him and continued his practice, but his heart leaped. He had come looking for him and he had found him. At least that was what he told himself. 

When he returned home, he was exhausted and his feet were bleeding in several places, but he felt strangely happy. 

The feeling lasted until he stood on the ice again the next morning. Yuri scowled next to him, full of burning energy that seemed to melt the ice under his skates. Yuuri wondered why he was so angry all the time. Yuri was an incredible skater, maybe even as talented as Victor had been at his age, but he was aggressive and pushy and unkind, and Yuuri wondered what might be possible if he’d find a way to channel his emotions into creative energy. 

Yuri caught him watching and frowned even harder. 

When Victor arrived and introduced his theme for the skate off, Yuuri found himself freeze. He had barely recognised that at least some part of what he felt for Victor was sexual attraction, but he had no idea at all how to translate that into skating without making a fool of himself. He knew nothing of romantic or sexual love. He had never been in love. He had never wanted to kiss anyone and he had never wanted to climb into bed with anyone. Well … he watched Victor skate the routine and suddenly felt light headed. Not until now, that was.

And then it hit him. He had to figure out a way to skate his emotions, otherwise Victor would go back to Russia. He had no choice but to do his best. No, not just his best. He needed to be better than he had ever been. He needed to convince Victor, but also a jury, that he knew how to skate like a man in love. Or lust. 

When Victor asked him what he wanted, he couldn’t stop himself from being honest. The thought that they wouldn’t sit together during meals or chat during training or just spend time together while the rest of the world kept turning almost made him cry. So he told him the truth and hope blossomed in his heart when he saw Victor’s reaction. He skated over to him, his face hidden from Yuri. There was a strange light in his eyes and it looked like he was about to cry.

To Yuuri's surprise, Victor didn’t quite stop, but came close enough to be almost pressed up against him. It was the closest they had ever been, and Yuuri felt his heart beat heavily against his ribs. He looked up at Victor, seeing two men at the same time. His personal hero, the untouchable, beautiful, universally popular figure skater. And then there was the man who was so profoundly human that he wrapped compliments in offensive words and who seemed to find it necessary to be in the exact same four square feet as Yuuri when he realised that he had grown insecure, as if his bodily presence could make up for his impossible task.

When Victor lifted a hand and touched Yuuri’s bottom lip, he felt the breath knocked out of him. Nothing he had experienced in his life had been so exhilarating and awkward at the same time. His lip tingled, leaving a burning trace of nothing in the wake of Victor’s finger, and he knew that the only way to stop it would be to close that final gap and pull him down. 

Kissing Victor would be blasphemy. It would dismantle his mental image of him forever and he would lose his childhood hero. But he would be kissing Victor, and that, even if it would take everything else away from him, would be the worthiest first kiss anyone had ever gotten.


End file.
